heart on sleeve

i listen to you i did. i took you in slow motion i did,but now im still trying to recover. its gradually coming along.even though im half-way alone, i feel relieved,still im just recovering.
this new LOVE is helping me along the way. she got the package. but its so heavy to carry... haha i'm willing to carry it through hell and back. this LOVE is all i need. i call her LOVE, cuz she's so caring that love is what she puts onto you. i'm not saying i love her. but i am saying that slowly i will gravitate to that feeling. everyone... sees it, i guess senses it. i look at the light she brings me joy, you know, when you are trying to get over something you always need a lift, help. i look at things in a new light now. i fall hard and sometimes slowly but sometimes fast enough in the blink of an eye. but one thing i learned you can't always wear your feelings on your sleeve. you have to sometimes hide certain things. so that you can save it for later. things that progress are the best because if you leave you heart on your sleeve so many theives in the night prey on that. you think its good to do that, no mam... sir. its a way you think. you think people last most times by leaving you heart out for predators, no they last because instead of leaving it out or keeping your heart out you bring it out when its neccessary. in my beliefs its better to just bring it out when you see the other person feeling the same way. and you'll know. you can see it when it comes close enough for you to see or touch. and if you've been reaching for a long time then that means its not meant to be. so just look at it as a life lesson. leaving your heart out is calling for trouble and heartbreak. then there comes consequences and reprecusions. you don't need that added onto you. so thats why you just keep safe for a while till you can get the chance to give it to someone else to keep it safe for you.

listen "i say"

-you're not listening,
what the hell are you doing
-you're not understanding
what the hell are you thinking
-i love you
i say these things and i don't listen and understand your point
well if i don't then you should listen and understand not just what i just said
but what i'm bout to say
-i love you
- and all that you do... i love you so much (listen)
-don't think im not interested
-but its confusing
-you know the game called love
- can you just understand why im doing this
-breaking your heart is not something i want to do
-its not something im fond of
-its not enough
- its actually too much
-trust me you'll always have my heart
-we won't ever be more than 30 minutes far
-but you are just too good for me
- i don't want you to be stressed over me
-you got too much going for yourself
-you should be with someone else
(crying)
-but i love you still you gonna always be my woman
-my love at heart (just not at touch, sight, feel, or right now)

those are the words you said to me,
that i still play back,
i got off the phone with you and listened to those words
all the tears were so dreadful that i couldn't (listen i say)
i thought so many reasons why you said it
why you did it
did you regret it
now that im all over you,
or maybe i'm ...

the "cause" "effect" and cure

you caused me to react
you caused me to state facts
you caused me to love
you caused me to hate
you caused me to keep trying
you caused me to read the distance
you caused me to be in the lines
you caused me to cry
you caused me to souly remember my past
you've caused me to fall in love
you're causing me to be a cause
the effect is a reaction
the effect is an opinion
the effect is enough
the effect is strong
the effect is tired of trying
the effect is distant
the effect is in between
the effect is teary
the effect is souly reminiscing the future
the effect was still loves
the effect is just an effect
the cure has reacted
the cure is not there
the cure is not real
the cure is weak
the cure is not working
the cure is near
the cure is out and in
the cure is sprinkling on me
the cure makes me realize the now
the cure is love
the cure is not a cure
it's you that makes "the cause" and "the effect"

slow motion 2

i know its crazy and the pain,
that you work with everyday,
makes you insane,
why should you look into everyday,
but every second i worry about love,
about your love,
if me loving you is enough,
i took my time, i took it slow, in slow motion,
i took my ways of love i knew from past experiences and tried to make them work for you,
but what didn't i do,
is the thought that remains
what did i gain,
as you may read this
i know we ain't in a relationship but i still want this
to be right,
to be fine,
where's i can walk away and not have anything to look back on,
my hearts torn
and broken and ripped into shreds
as my tears shed,
as my hearts and veins lay on my bed
and my head
spins
i end up taking it in slow motion
i slowly recover
i slowly roll over
and do a slight procedure
so i can live on further
cuz for second my life was to be shortened
ha... damn why this life and love got to be taken this slow,
i looked at you and wanted to love you right off the bat
and when that happened i knew in the end i wouldn't know what love was
and the effect and cause was
my downfall
hoping you'd pick me up
and send me off,
at least
instead i took it slow motion, slowly walking away from all that i knew
looking into knew windows i found this new love...like and
like...
a love she and i are taking it in slow motion...2

"slow motion"

when you're in a relationship, friendship and you think it might last a long time. you want to take it slow then you do that, take it so slow that when you do fall in love you don't feel like you're rushed into it.

"slow motion"- karina p.

[Verse 1:]I Know That You've Been Calling Me
And I'm happy that we met
Don't think that I'm not interested
I'm just playing hard to get

[Bridge:]So much about this crazy game
they call love
That I'm trying to understand
So could you be my best friend
Before you call yourself my man

[Hook:]Why can't I love you in slow motion
Take my time
Take away the pressure on my mind
Really get to know you
But rewind
Wanna love you in slow motion
Why can't I?

[Verse 2:]You seem to know just what you want
And I like your confidence
Some things a girl should never rush
Cause If you do you hurt yourself

[Bridge:]So much about this crazy game
they call love
I'm still trying to understand
So could you be my best friend
Before you call yourself my man

[Hook:]Why can't I love you in slow motion
Take my time
Take away the pressure on my mind
Really get to know you
But rewind
Wanna love you in slow motion
Why can't I

[Breakdown:]I'm too young for tears in the night
And it's to soon for this to be right
Don't wanna mess with your pride
The questions not when but why

[Hook:]Why can't I love you in slow motion
Take my time
Take away the pressure on my mind
Really get to know you
But rewind
I Wanna love you in slow motion
Why can't... I

it's powerful you know when you just hear a song and it grabs you. it grabbed me, took me and moved me in such a way that i understood how true it really was. "-i want to take this slow i say..."

just stand up

i know that its hard sometimes and you feel like you can't hold on, or you can't finish this stupid, hard, difficult, crowded race listen to this song by various artist called

"just stand up":
Beyoncé:The heart is strongerThan you think- like it can goThrough anything-And even when you thinkIt can't it finds a way-To still push onThough

Carrie Underwood:SometimesYou want to run away-Ain't got the patience For the pain-And if youDon't believe it-Look intoYour heartThe beat goes on

Rihanna:I'm tellin' you
Rihanna/Miley Cyrus:Things get betterThrough whatever
Rihanna:If you fallDust it offDon't let up

Sheryl Crow:Don't you knowYou can goBe your own miracle

Beyoncé:You need to know

(Chorus all)

(Sheryl Crow):If the mindKeeps thinking You've had enough-But the heartKeeps telling you-Don't give up
Sheryl Crow/Beyoncé:Who are we to be Questioning Wondering what is what-Don't give up-Through it all Just stand up

Fergie:It's likeWe all have better days-Problems getting all upIn your face

Leona Lewis:Just becauseYou go through it
Fergie:Don't mean it gotTo take control, no
Leona Lewis:You ain't gotta findNo hiding place
Keyshia Cole:Because the heart Can beat the hate
Leona Lewis:Don't wannaLet your mindKeep playin' you
Keyshia Cole:And sayin' youCan't go on
Rihanna:I'm tellin' you
Miley Cyrus:Things get betterThrough whatever
Rihanna:If you fall
Miley Cyrus:Dust if offDon't let up

LeAnn Rimes:Don't you know you
Natasha Bedingfield:Can go
LeAnn Rimes:Be your own
Natasha Bedingfield:Miracle
Carrie Underwood:You need to know

(Chorus-All)

Mary J. Blige:You don't gotta beA prisonerIn your mind
Ciara:If you fallDust it off
Mary J. Blige:You can live your life

Rihanna/Carrie Underwood:Yeah

Mary J. Blige:Let your heartBe your guide
Rihanna/Carrie:Yeah, yeah, yeah
Mariah Carey:And you will knowThat you're goodIf you trust in the good

Ashanti:EverythingWill be alright, yeahLight up the darkIf you follow your heart

Mary J. Blige:And it will get better
Mariah Carey:Through whatever
(Chorus All)2x

Fergie:You got it in you-Find it withinYou- got in now-Find it within -nowYou got in you-Find it withinYou -got in now-Find it within -nowYou got in you-find it within-Find it within you-Find it within

tell me why... i'm missing you

i stood up in the mirror and found heartbreak in front of my eyes,
the wing on the left gave out,
now im depending on one wing to soar the sky,
how devastating and im in a life learning process,
i should let go and let God handle the rest
but when you still hate the fact,
and the whole world is on your back,
you tend to get loose and strength you lack,
i look at your pictures and this mark on my body and see how good you make me feel,
but then i notice instead of making it beat, my hearts on a stand still,
hoping that one day you can please my heart,
till then we're still 30 minutes far,
i love you so much this hurt is making me hate you,
not that i want to,
but because of the things you do,
what the hell are you doing-the devils work
are trying to stab me or my heart first,
either way i'll end up in the dirt,
hoping that the pain will heal,
then i'll raise from the dead only to be a theif in the night to steal
and maybe when you see how it feels
the medicine won't be familiar so you'll just be afraid
and find a way
to say
im sorry
but until them ill still feel unworthy
and hardly will you know,
because ill hide the pain with a nice strip show,
hate to tell you but i know exactly why im feelling this way,
tell me why... im missing you

living in changing seasons

i hate to think when i was happy it wasn't true,
in denial saying its true,
hoping for one good reason to fall into,
what i call a puddle of love overdue,
trying to fall into love in a keen sense,
i keep traveling through peoples minds to let them know that i'm here,
and if you see me lend me your ear,
listen, grasp and respond,
don't just give crocked advice and leave me behind,
my seasons change,
i began to know me,
discover thee, only real me
i discover God and every way is difficult,
i blame it on myself, look in the mirror and say it's my fault,
try to tell everyone person that life is about you,
and what you want to do,
but then again my seasons change and im here sad,
mad that i'm crying and crying cuz im mad.
damn you, i look in the mirror imagining the one woman to ease me and cure me,
but also she's cursed me,
let it be known that i was so good to her but she was so controlling over me,
damn why do my seasons change,
cuz life and i never stay the same
we move on to whats to blame,
thinking of everything i look at the shame,
but again my seasons change,
now i'm crazy,
i won't to kill,
my hearts been broken, now im chokin, cuz now i'm hoping that i will live
and in between the lies and cheating i was still willing to give,
hoping that instead of the seasons changing my state of mind in life would to,
instead of me denying the truth and hoping its all cool that im living in changing seasons,
all because i'm hiding the lies to excuses and reasons

"in" a Relationship

yes i know... being in a relationship is hard. but someone has to do it. i love being in a relationship but its what makes the relationship, that makes it work. i know that people say that its unreal, that love can't be true or real, but it can be. you just have to do the work if you really want it, so that it can stay at a steady pace.
for example i was with this girl. i found out later that her ex was having a baby, "for us", yeah demetria said she loved me and she said she cared but made up every excuse to break up with me. and she finally got that reason when an unsuspected caller left a voice message on my phone. and somehow demetria without knowing my password got in and heard it and she used that against me. she and i got back cool but thats after her and her ex got back together. damn, so i'm playing this role like she really is gonna break up with her ... naht. naht at all. well now you know you can't always have this type of thing called love perfectly wrapped in a nice box with a bow on it. it comes scraggly and torn you have to build it up. you have to work on it so it can be that beautiful gift.
us women especially expect too much that sometimes its our fault we nick-pick at alot if its not how we want it but we have to learn to accept it, no matter how much effort it takes if you want it, you will go for it.

My HW essay on "family values" by Richard Rodriguez

Richard Rodriguez recieved degrees from Stanford Uni. and Columbia Uni. he also did graduate study at the Uni. in California, Berkley and the Warburg institute in London. he is a writer and editor for Pacifica News Service and a contributing editro and wirter for many major American magazines and journals. he addresses the concept of "family values" and focuses on the controversial thesis that homosexuality is actually a buttress against their dissolution rather that being a threat to family values.
in an opinion of mine, family values consist of what your family cherishes, believes and ... values. if your famil believes you should move out at the age of eighteen then thats what you are brought up to believe. although in a statement Rodriguez made, he said and i quote "... i won't deny that the so called gay liberation movement, along with feminism, undermined the heterosexual household, if that's what politicians mean when they say "family values". well, to look at this situation a little bit longer. gay/lesbian house holds nine times out of ten tend to be the most loving enviornments for children. in fact 50-75% of them tend to come out not as homosexual but heterosexual. why because being gay/lesbian is not a choice, it's merely a feeling. you can't halp ow you feel. now family values in society's eyes consist of the mother and father both bringing in a fair amount of income, if not one of the parents, the money comes into this beautiful home they own with the picket white fence that has a scraggly chiwauwau, maltese, or poodle scratching it. and while the dog is scratching the fence the boy and girl are running around it ploaying chase the donkey. typical family huh... now a days we have single mothers either making it or struggling to take care of if not two, three maybe even four children. yet soceity still acts upon gay/lesbian households. as am i a lesbian and i think that its ok. who the fuck cares about your fucking preference. shit if you like to fuck sheeps then you do if you like to eat cats thats on you. we are not each other, we are individuals. is it really how you feel and believe that makes family values, "traditional".
times have changed. little do people know about the real ideal of family values, the true identity. so whatever my opinions are and what soceity facts state, family values depict on the certain, particular family. whether you're caucasian, african american, chinese american, korean, south african, jamaican and so forth. no one, not even sdociety really can tell you what family vaues really are.

The Right to be a Lesbian

i know that god says it's wrong but i feel that its right. i came out of "the closet" when i was fifteen and it still doesn't suit me. well people believe that they can all of a sudden have a reason to dislike me... good more power to you. i love being a lesbian. i love being friends with a male but thats another essay. i believe that being gay is not a crime but it is something that God doesn't want me to do.
i was in my A.P english class, my instructor Dr. Chavis. well she has the guys and girls seperated. and the girls are seperated into two groups by last name. i'm in group two and this week on wednesday group three presented the chapter on "family values" well first my question i s what are "family values"... anybody well lets take a look at what one of my classmates said while the attention was brought on homosexuals and their households. He said and i quote "... i don't agree with same sex marriages. i believe that if you believe in God you believe in God in all aspects." ok the man has a point there ...buuuuutttt he also said that the household if occured was a homosexual parental status would be bad for the children if adopted or already had. (he didn't exactly say that beccause he's iliterate buuuuuuutttt) WHAT!!!! first of all, i got up and put on the foxy brown attitude and told the class of a scenario. my aunt and uncle are in a married gay/lesbian reklationship, both have six figure careers and children are involved. out of 150 people two of my family members are gay/lesbians and their child is not slow, confused, or gay/lesbian but heterosexual. yeah its based all on the stereotypes wow...
i feel like as a whole we should not let this happen if you're gay and or lesbian stand up and say i believe in God and i like to eat pussy or suck a dick even though i have the same thing. its crazy, a sin but you can't help what you like its something that you feel. "they" as in society has a way of saying that we can't feel, but what do they want us to do fake it. do they want us lesbians to feel one way but to please "them" to fake it. i won't, i refuse to and i don't think that its right for us to take in what people have to say about our sexual preference. its us and "you" should except us because if you think that we're trying to make a pass at you, that means either you're scared that you might want us to, you do want us to or you have you own insecurities...