living in changing seasons

i hate to think when i was happy it wasn't true,
in denial saying its true,
hoping for one good reason to fall into,
what i call a puddle of love overdue,
trying to fall into love in a keen sense,
i keep traveling through peoples minds to let them know that i'm here,
and if you see me lend me your ear,
listen, grasp and respond,
don't just give crocked advice and leave me behind,
my seasons change,
i began to know me,
discover thee, only real me
i discover God and every way is difficult,
i blame it on myself, look in the mirror and say it's my fault,
try to tell everyone person that life is about you,
and what you want to do,
but then again my seasons change and im here sad,
mad that i'm crying and crying cuz im mad.
damn you, i look in the mirror imagining the one woman to ease me and cure me,
but also she's cursed me,
let it be known that i was so good to her but she was so controlling over me,
damn why do my seasons change,
cuz life and i never stay the same
we move on to whats to blame,
thinking of everything i look at the shame,
but again my seasons change,
now i'm crazy,
i won't to kill,
my hearts been broken, now im chokin, cuz now i'm hoping that i will live
and in between the lies and cheating i was still willing to give,
hoping that instead of the seasons changing my state of mind in life would to,
instead of me denying the truth and hoping its all cool that im living in changing seasons,
all because i'm hiding the lies to excuses and reasons